If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you're with...

One of the best orators of all time Jesse "The Body" Ventura once said "Win if you can, Lose if you must, but always, always cheat." Somehow I doubt he was talking to the makers of romantic movies but here we are anyway.

Maybe it's because I pack a penis between my legs, but I don't understand romantic movies, or commonly known as "chick flicks." Honestly, I have been dragged to way too many of these movies by girls , and 90% sucked so much they could take the chrome of the off a trailer hitch... umm the movies not the girls... well on second thought... nevermind...

But it has occurred to me that a lot of these masterpieces are based on the woman cheating on her boyfriend, fiancee or even husband with her soon to be "true love" and everyone live happily ever after in love. BUUUUUUUUUUUULLSHIT!! I am sorry it does not work that way. I would pay to see a guy cheat on his fiancee then tell her that he's found his true love, and see how well that would go in real life. He better have one hell of protective cup on, if not he will be singing soprano pretty quickly.

Don't believe me? Lets look at the some of the main offenders...

"Sweet Home Alabama"... Reese "Glass cutter Jaw" Witherspoon plays a New York fashion designer who gets engaged to son of the mayor of New York (Played by Patrick "McDreamy and Meatballs 3" Dempsey). One problem here, she's already married to a guy living in yonder hills in Alabama. So the so called heroine in this movie, not only is just short of committing bigamy she also has the worst divorce lawyer ever. She ends up going back to her original husband after forcing him to sign divorce papers.

What a mind fuck... and poor Meatballs 3 gets left holding the bag at the wedding and all he did was love the girl. Are you kidding me??? If I was Dempsey I'd be pulling out my L'Oreal Paris styled hair. (On a side note, as a man, I could careless what products McDreamy uses so can we cut that marketing campaign please)

While we are on Dempsey lets talk "Made of Honor"... Which follows the pattern guy and girl are friends, guy is a womanizer, guy realizes he loves girl when she's out of town, girl comes back with fiancee. Basically thats how long it took her to go from single to engaged was the amount of time it took you to read that sentence. I kid you not, in fact while you are reading this McDreamy is conspiring against the hubby to be played by Kevin McKidd (who was awesome in HBOs Rome, this movie not so much). While you read this Dempsey is revealing his true feelings and breaking up a wedding. Like honestly, are there really people who put time and effort into breaking up weddings. Needless to say, she loves our "hero" leaves the wedding and everyone is happy except for my favourite Roman soldier. But we are not supposed to care about him, he wasn't on the movie poster.

Hell the mecca of all chick flicks is "Titanic," and I am PROUD to say I have never seen, but know what I do know. Girl cheats on her fiancee, gets drawn in the nude with a giant gem on, and a boat sinks. If we were to bring that into todays culture, Girl cheats on her fiancee, does a cheap home made porno with some fancy ass bling in the name of "art", then a boat sinks and James Cameron makes a billion dollars.

I could keep going with movies like "Leap year," "Rumour has it," Bridges of Madison County," a movie I didn't mind "The Notebook" (ya I'm softie), and so on. So can someone please explain why we have all of these movies about women cheating which have happy endings, yet when guys cheat we have "Fatal Attraction."

Maybe part of the issue I have on this is I was once the guy holding the bag. And don't get me wrong I know both sexes cheat, its a two way street. I also won't sit here and say my relationship was perfect in anyway, one way or another it probably was going to end. But truth be told the so called movie fairytale could come true as she is marrying the guy she cheated on me with. Guess I never should have bought her that copy of "The Notebook". Damn you Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams.

I do wish them well, (my ex and her fiancee, not Gosling and McAdams, they can burn in hell) and the few times we have talked since we both say we wish it ended differently, but it took a long time for us to come to that and believe me it hurt. In fact a part of me will always hurt because of it. So the next time you see a movie with some schmuck who watches his girl leave him before the credits roll, give her a big "fuck you" from me cuz I refuse to get drug into that theater... unless... well... nevermind... see paragraph 2

C U Next Tuesday...

Now I know I am not the first to discuss the topic of language and dirty words, hell, the great George Carlin got arrested for the his "7 dirty words" routine. While I wont be arrested for this piece I may shock and offend. Well that is if anyone reads this. If not I am just cursing to myself, and honestly, thats not neither new or shocking.

For you that aren't familiar with the magic 7 that Carlin laid out it goes like this. Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits. I only want to touch one of these words and for some reason its become the holy grail of cursing and I really would like to know why.

First let me explain where this is all coming from, and shock of all shocks it comes from a comic movie. "Kick-Ass" is coming out shortly and its a R rated movie based on the comic series of the same name. There has been a red band, aka restricted trailer, that has been released featuring one of the characters called Hit-Girl, a foul mouth pre-pubescent killing machine. And when I say foul mouthed, I mean she could out curse a sailor that got his dick caught in the porthole...again... for the seemingly hundredth time... he knows he shouldn't... but he's lonely... ummm where was I going with this... oh right... lots of cursing...

Here is the trailer:

The major complaint about above trailer isn't the graphic violence, it isn't about her wanting a butterfly knife for her bday, it isnt Nic Cage's pathetic attempt a mustache, it is her use of the word.... wait for it... cunt. Wow I even cringed typing that.

But I shouldn't and thats the point. Its only a word. Now I could say fuck till I am blue in the face and now that wouldn't be a problem with most people now. Twenty or thirty years ago it might not have been as easy to say. Hell, I'd be some crack pot on a street corner cursing till the cops took me away, as I would have no internet to rant on. Gotta love progress.

Anyway, can someone explain to me why cunt (there it is again) is so powerful? I asked a few women I know what their thoughts were. (Only when I was sure I wasnt going to get beaten) Some hate it, some don't care, and others aren't fans but they realize its just a word. However, most agreed that it is a taboo word like (get ready there are some doozies) nigger, faggot, spic, and pretty much any offensive word you can come up with. Which I kind of understand but I have yet to see a female rap star give a shout out to her cunts... which if someone does I'm expecting a royalty cheque...

Believe it or not I wikipedia-ed the word, its one hell of an article if you want to read it all. One of the more fascinating things I came across was the fact that some feminists believe that "use of the word acts to reinforce a dehumanisation of women by reducing them to mere body parts." I will have to remember that the next time I get called dork, dick, boner, dickhead and walking hard on. And believe me, I have been called a dork exponentially more than I have called anyone a, well you know....

I am really trying not to play fast and loose with cunt... I mean... bah... lets start that one over...

I am really trying to find some answers here and yet I am still confused on why this word is the most powerful shy of "the N-word". Hell, the British are notorious for using it all the time, its a throw away insult like dipshit, and somehow the world keeps turning. Yet, I was honestly worried when I asked my female friends about it, hell I used the term "c-word". Even when I personally have no fear of the word I was more concerned about their reactions, and usually I am not one to bite my tongue. The funniest thing to me was not one of them even if they liked it or hated could give me a reason why it was so powerful, other than "it just is".

Or like one put it "Twat is a better word"

and if you arent offended yet... here's a musical number...