For those of you not playing along, it has been announced after months of casting news and rumours that the Spider-man 4 movie that was going to see the returning stars of Tobey McGuire and Kirsten Dunst, and once again Sam Raimi was going to take the helm of this pet project. Also John Malkovich confirmed that he was committed to play the main villain of the Vulture in said movie, with Anne Hathaway also confirmed to play, depending on what site you read, either Blackcat or a new character called "the Vulturess". That all got tossed away because Sony wants to do a "reboot" and take Peter Parker back to high school where he can deal with super powers and teen angst. SHOOT ME NOW.
Didnt we already have this movie? I believe it was called Spider-man!! It only made Sony $821,708,551 world wide... like come on you think with that much coin Sony could have bought a freakin clue. Did Spider-man 3 suck donkey balls? Hell Yes but thats what happens when you try shoving so many ideas in one god damn movie... spoiler alert (i always wanted to say that lol) there was no need for a new goblin that attacks then saves spider-man that entire conflict with Harry could have been one movie plus what the hell was with that dopey amnesia angle, did I walk into a Days of our Lives movie by mistake... What was the point of Sandman besides to say "Hey look its like the Mummy but better technology you can see the sandgrains now. Brendan Fraser is spinning in his grave, oh he's not dead, well...then his career is spinning in its grave." (Poor poor Dudley Doo-Right) And Venom, well Venow was just wasted, no ifs ands or buts, Clint Howard gets more screen time in most of his brothers movies than Venom got. Venom should have been a film to himself, could you have done the symbiote story in 3, hell ya, but you tease Venom for the next movie its called a freaking hook.
I could keep going on how this movie sucked but thats not the point, the point is you could have just forged ahead and moved on. Spider-man could have been this generations James Bond, you can change the actors, and directors and just made new stories kept it fun and simple and boom you have a summer action movie that keeps on going. (And before someone says it yes Casino Royale was a frigging origin movie, good movie yes but the origin story was unneeded. Do I care he had his heart broken and thats why he sleeps with a new woman every movie, hell no...I dont want James Bond with "issues" give me gadgets, guns and girls and you have a good Bond movie as long as its not starring Dalton or Lazenby).
On a similar note, due to Warner Bros. losing a law suit to the estate of Jerry Siegel, co-creator of Superman, there is another Man of Steel movie being forced down the pipeline as WB loses the rights to Big Blue to the estate in 2013. Guess what they want to do after that crap that was Superman Returns. Yep "reboot". BAH.
Once again Superman is a character you dont need to reinvent, he is recognized world wide, just keep the story simple and fun. Its a comic movie, not a sequel to "Philadelphia". If you want to read more about the Superman fiascos, I highly recommend the book "Superman vs. Hollywood", you wouldnt believe where the series almost went a few times. Heres a hint, Nic Cage, in a wig and black leather suit and no cape... apparently it got all the way to the testing stage with Cage in costume before that was ditched in the 90s.
To be honest, if they removed Returns from Superman lore i wouldnt care for one simple reason Superman has a bastard kid. Thats what the kid is, a bastard. Good idea Warner Bros! Who the hell thought that was a good idea anyway" Lets take the hero that stands "For Truth, Justice, and the American Way" and make him a deadbeat dad.Bravo Clap Clap. Well if I have learned anything from Jerry Springer that does seem like the American way... I kid. Plus to quote Mallrats...
Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child?
T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
All one has to do is look at the movie that started to change the way people saw comic movies. X-men, it was the first in the X series, (the best one too in my opinion) and it didnt do any of that origin stuff. It introduced the characters added Wolverine, and we were off to the races we didnt need to see Professor X recruit and train the students. Only problem is in order for Sony to keep the X-men franchise they need to keep cranking out X-men movies, which is why we got the tongue twister of a title "X-men Origins: Wolverine (which got WAY too cute canon, Sabretooth and Wolverine arent brothers!! Follow the 35 years of god damn source material you jerks), and coming soon we get "X-men: The First Class (great more teen angst I cant wait) and "X-men Origins: Magneto" (I am hoping there is no teen angst here)... So we are getting the Origins now, fan-flippin-tastic...
Dont get me wrong there are great Origin movies out there like Batman Begins and Iron Man, but whats the point of rebooting movies of characters that you just made less than a decade ago. Now if you want to reboot Fantastic 4, I'm right behind you... just keep Jessica Alba... :-)
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