Dear America,
It has been awhile since I last wrote. I do apologize its been pretty hectic up here in Canada. Been working on my house and yard a lot, getting some golf in, watching the hockey playoffs, basically enjoying my down time.
I really have been trying to make an effort to come visit since the Canadian dollar is basically even with the greenback. Unfortunately, circumstances haven't allowed it, who knows maybe in October I might come to Vegas play some poker and golf and we can catch up over beers. Canadian beers, not that coloured water you call "beer". Which reminds me of my favourite equation American Beer = Sex in a Canoe. (Fucking near water)
But in the meantime, can you STOP the madness please. You were supposed to be the leader of the free world, the poster child for freedom, and the bringer of democracy. However lately you can't get your own shit together.
For instance, is there anyway you can swallow up the so called Tea Party movement, like just open a gorge then fill in up on itself. Well not all of them, just the ones that are using it to spread hatred, racism, and stupidity. I am sure the Tea Party movement, was a grass roots effort for people to bring just criticisms to the current government but when you have people liking Obama to Hilter, Stalin, and Charles Manson in sign form maybe the message is getting slightly skewed. Plus, its seems Fox News is fueling the crazies in the movement, any chance you can pull Hannity, O'Reilly, and Bernie into the gorge with the Tea Partiers.
Also is there a way you could flood Arizona, they would never see it coming. They would be sitting around thinking a bit of rain wouldn't hurt, then bam they are paddling their couch down the street. This would help a few things, it would give the NHL an excuse to get the Coyotes out of Phoenix, er I mean Glendale.
Plus, it might open the eyes to idiots who think Obama's Presidency is against the constitution and want to see his birth certificate brought to Arizona before his re-election campaign. Why is this an issue now, do they really think the Dems were that stupid they didn't check his background before giving him the nod, or that the Republicans didn't make sure that all the Is were dotted before the election. This is the election of the President of, supposedly, the most powerful country in the free world, yet Arizona thinks its like Homer Simpson filling out Lisa's Little Miss Springfield Pageant form. (classic episode, btw)
Also, if you don't flood Arizona, can you just then disown it and make it apart of Mexico. It would totally make that illegal immigrant legislation they just passed irrelevant. I don't know how they can claim its not racial profiling if its now the cops duty to question anyone who might be an illegal immigrant. So really they are looking for illegal Mexicans, its not like Arizona has a lot of German, British, or French illegals. They claim it is OK, because the police will have to have cause for suspicion, what the hell does that mean. Do they need to be wearing a sombrero? Will cops roll into the closest Taco Bell and El Polo Loco and just card everybody? But the worst part of it is, if some jack-off doesn't think his local government is doing enough to enforce this legislation, he can sue them under the guidelines of the legislation. AYE CARUMBA.
I'm sorry America, this letter has become a bit of a rant. I do apologize, I hope we can get together sometime soon and kick it. But I am glad you have health care reform, believe me its awesome having it up here. In the mean time can I borrow 20 bucks, or should I just skip the middleman and ask China.
See you soon,
G
PS... I hope this inspires you...
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